Everyone knows someone who has “stolen” a boyfriend or a girlfriend from another person. Or to whom this has happened. Perhaps it was not done on purpose. But if you knew the life of every person you meet on the street, the numbers of poachers and poached would be gigantic. At least if you can believe a study with about 17,000 participants.
The survey found that as many as 46% of Western European women – almost one in two – and 56% of men in Western Europe have already poached a partner.
Poaching – this is what this practice is called – is successful in two-thirds of cases. In other words, two out of three poachers build a relationship with their conquests.
“Wow, poaching is well worth the hassle,” one might think now. But is that really the case?
Building a stable relationship from poaching – that’s what the facts say
In fact, partner theft is a real poison for the resulting relationship. Several surveys showed that most relationships fail after poaching.
The “Journal of Research in Personality” has published several studies on the subject, all of which paint the same picture: a partnership born of poaching is particularly fragile. Especially the poached person is usually dissatisfied and less committed in the new relationship than in the previous relationship. Furthermore, the bond with the new partner is not so strong.
The consequence: Infidelity comes almost naturally in couples consisting of poachers and victims.
Poached people are narcissistic and neurotic!
A little charming picture emerges from those who were poached – They are usually extremely dependent on external confirmation, so they easily respond to the approaches and flirtations of others. Even if they are later forgiven. In other cases, the victim is not happy in his or her current relationship and is downright grateful that the relationship breaks down by outside influences. Without the need to intervene.
And what about the poachers? They don’t get away any better. The poachers suffer from a high urge to assert themselves and often prove to be incapable of relationship. No wonder they tend to stray.
Creating a happy relationship out of poaching – or rather not
The chances of building a serious and stable relationship out of poaching are extremely poor. However, people who have been abandoned because their partner has been poached can count themselves lucky: They have escaped a person with a narcissistic personality – and can now seek solace in a casual dating adventure.
Instead of being sad, all doors are now open. On a website for singles, the abandoned may look for some fun to forget the lost relationship – or even find someone for a serious relationship. A partnership that could never have taken place with a poacher or a poached person. That’s something!